I need to do some serious soul searching...and as lame and retarded as that may seem it's true...I feel like I'm so far from where I truly want to be spiritually and physically...I thought that coming up with a New Year's Resolution would really put things into perspective for me and it has...it's put into perspective how far I am from God and how I'm dying inside without Him...there's this Sunday School Hymn that says if you read your Bible and pray every day you will grow, grow, grow...if you don't read your Bible and don't pray every day you will shrink, shrink, shrink...and for so many years I would sing that song never realizing and understanding the truth that was behind the lyrics....I always hear myself praying that God would break me down til "I, KRISTIAN LAUREN JIMENEZ" no longer exist but now I am at a cross-roads asking myself how serious was I about that prayer? And a part of me says I was/am serious about the prayer but the other part of me says it's not so easy letting go of your OWN life to something and someone that you can't exactly see...I know that God exist but maybe I just have a problem with submitting my life to someone who I have not seen but I know without a shadow of doubt that He exist...I feel as though I'm at a constant tug-of-war between my logic and emotions...how do I surrender all that I have all that I am to Him?