Tables are Turning.

It's actually been great. Which is really great. It's funny how God works in his awesome ways... The Tables Are Turning. After hearing that message at youthfire I start to realize how they are in fact turning and it's crazy how much can change after a message at youthfire. I really am thankful for all the pastors, worship leaders, worship band, youth, freinds... everyone who goes to youthfire and I ask for God to bless every single person in my life to the fullest. More importantly I ask God to show those who are in my life that don't have Him in their lives to seek him, hunger for him, and give their lives to the hands of God for Him to lead them in the path of His glory and happiness. Lord there truely is nothing better, nothing to compare to your greatness and how much joy you have given me in my life =]] and I couldn't be more grateful and blessed by you Lord. I Thank You tramendously. I Love You, Lord.
<3 Lynz

breakfr33

Mann... Idk. I really don't know. and it sucks. School sucks. Home sucks. Phone sucks. Txts suck. Friends house sucks. Idk what's wrong with me. eMo side's creeping back up... not good yo. Maybe it's my lack of church involvement. Idk. I do miss it tho. Can't wait till I get a car. Can't wait to graduate. Can't wait for college. Can't wait for a job. I just wish I wasn't or didn't have to be so dependent on other people... all the time. Rides, money, time, homework, school, friendship, whatever. Why can't I just be free? Free from home, free from frustration, free from me basically. I don't know what I want anymore. I don't know what's expected... nothing prolly. I don't know me. I don't know who I want to be. I don't know. I understand but then I don't. I see things one way and the next it's totally different. Days are running together. Tomorrow is saturday, today is sunday, slowww but yett so fastt at the same time. Too much to do in so little time. Taking away that time from others sucks too cuz it ends up being your fault for not letting other people study or get done what they need to because their to busy with your own erands you know. I wish my mom was more responsible. More supportive. Mostly. Mostly here at least. What will happen when I'm gone? I don't know. God... please just let everything be ok. Let my strength overpower what's yet to come. To fight myself from myself and society. To break free from everything.... every bad thing in my life Lord please. I'm so messed up in my head right now and it's hard to not listen to the bad side. But yes Lord... the Devil is working his evil ways against me and pulling me towards his side but I will breakfr33. Thank you Lord, for everything =]] You are what keeps me alive and breathing in the beauties of the world rather than being sucked into sex, drugs, and money. I AM STRONG. I Love You.

hurt.

to sum it up, i'm lost. i never knew i could feel this way, act this way, think this way... i've never known what it's like to love someone then lose sight of him. i've lost sight of Christ and all i feel is the pain and disappointment. the guilt of not being the woman i should be... it hurts so much. like what you said Kristian ... you said exactly what i felt. i hate waking up in the mornings and seeing the person i've become and living with the constant reminder of who i am not and who i may truly be. and all of a sudden, i find myself back to where i started, square one! i wonder if this was all for nothing, i wonder if a regeneration really took place in my heart.

i truly feel alone. but thank you Kristian for your words of encouragement ... it's like ... i've come so far from back then. i don't really like to talk about my past, or even confront it at all. i don't like to remember who i was. and now i find myself back in my old ways again, and it's such a struggle... such a battle. i really do find other people wonderful and interesting, but all of a sudden i don't want to be around people anymore - even the ones who are closest to me. i back away, shy away, push people away, because i am afraid. there's always something holding me back from trusting one other person.

it's funny how many years it takes to build up someone's trust but it can fall to pieces in one second. i'm severely close to becoming a cynic and i don't want that. i don't want to be bitter or angry anymore. and i guess it's not that i am, i'm more afraid than anything. and it all goes back to losing myself and wondering ... (sorry this is so random but i'll finish this later! i gotta go...boo)

- ness

Struggling

Right now I don't really know where I stand. I'm struggling with so many things, that I feel that I may be at my break point and just might give up on even trying anymore. For some reason the more I try to draw closer to God the more temptations and tests come my way and I truthfully don't feel like I'm strong enough !!! I'm constantly reminded on a daily basis of what I've done, how far away I am from Him and what I am not !!! The Bible says through our flaws He makes Himself perfect and that He who has begun a good wrk in you will complete it til the day of Jesus Christ, but for some reason I can't seem to convince myself that that will ever happen...I know that the only reason why I am thinking that way is because I've allowed satan to mess with my mind but he is so slick and manipulative and he presents these plausible reasons as to why I should just give up. I just don't know what to do please keep me in prayer !!!
KJ